The Times They Could of Had
by dexter13
Summary: A plot bunny that bit me after I rewatched "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang". What if Owen's comment of "Oh great, another Jack." was more accurate than originally thought? warnings:some chapters contain DARK themes, swearing and sexual content.
1. A Chance to get out of this hell hole

"What I want is for you to come to your senses. Join me Jack. Back in the old routine. We'd be emperors. How can you stay tied to one planet when there are thousands of worlds, sparkling with wonder? We should be up there, among the stars, claiming them for our own. Just like before."

Jack tries to school his features into not showing his smile.

John notices, however. "What? I leave my fly open or something?" He makes a show of checking.

"No," Jack says as he smiles. "That was so romantic; I'd have to be crazy to say no." He lets out a short chuckle. "I set this up. I heard you were after the Arcadian diamond. Which, by the way, isn't here, it's a DNA bomb inside. And so, instead of trying to find you with my wrist strap which the Doctor oh so nicely fixed for me." Jack leans closer to whisper, "Between you and me, I put on a fake one for the Doc to 'unfix'." Jack pulls away and winks conspiringly. "Anyways, I was able to pull it all here. And viola." Jack flips out his hands. "Not bad for a day's work, eh?"

"So then was all that before? All the _"I don't want you in my territory" _and_ "we do this, you get outta here"_?"

Jack waves it off. "Psssh. Posturing for my team. Plus, I wanted to see if you were still the same ol' you before I risked everything to go with you. Little side note, you didn't really need to work over my team like how I'm guessing you did."

"Hey, if it's any consolation, I didn't hurt Ianto." John offers up.

"Good. He's a good fuck when you have nothing else to _do_. Anyways, what're we doing just standing here? Let's get going somewhere; I've had enough of Earth." Jack finishes off in a mock whiny voice.

"Well dah-ling," John drawls out, "how 'bout we head to Xaniver. It's spring break and there all sorts of Polyrans with mommy and daddy's money." John smile and programs his wrist strap. "First, however, I want to get my weapons from your Hub."

"Well, then what are we waiting for?" Jack says as he steps towards John and pulls him into a passionate kiss as they disappear.


	2. Gardner Museum Art Heist

A/N: this is actually a real heist. It was two guys who were never caught. This is my take on a "possibility" (just take out the spaces) http:/ entertainment. howstuffworks. …and… http:/ .org /wiki/ Isabella_Stewart_Gardner_Museum

* * *

"So the Calthorans want what?" John asks as he watches the guards make their rounds from across the street of the museum.

The sound of paper being rustled. The paper makes its appearance in front of John's face.

"Here's the list. All of them can be found here in the wonderful Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum." Jack informs John.

John reads it as Jack takes over watching. "Hmm… A couple Rembrandts, Degas, Manet and Vermeer. Plus a few sculptures, a Chinese Qu and the finial from Napoleon's Army flag. What is a finial?" John turns his head to Jack, eyebrows furrowed with curiosity.

"An architectural device, which is typically carved in stone and put on top of things like buildings, _flags, _chairs, furniture, etc." Jack says without breaking his sight from the museum.

"Well, thank-you Mr. Wikipedia. So is it all clear?" John asks, changing subjects quickly.

"Yupp. S'all green." Jack says as he looks at his wrist strap. "It's 1:30 am, let's roll."

They prepare their outfits and walk across the street to the back door of the museum.

The doorbell is rung and they wait for a couple of minutes before a security guard appears.

Jack and John simultaneously pull out their psychic papers. "Boston PD. Lieutenant John Hart and my partner, Jack Harkness. We're here to check out a reported disturbance. Now, it's probably nothing but we have to do our duty."

"All right," the guard says as he examines the papers that are seemingly genuine. "Come on in. Can't be too careful these days, hey?" He says as he starts to walk away. His partner pulls away from beside the door to walk beside him.

Jack and John share a glance and a smirk before John answers with, "No, you never can be too careful." They both silently pull out their guns from their holsters. They cock their guns with that unmistakable sound.

"Now, I want you to slowly put your hands up and I don't want a sound out of either of you." Jack says.

The two guards comply with a glance at each other.

"Alright, we're going to want you to walk forward. Don't try to be the hero, we're not here to kill you. However, we will if we have to." Jack says in an indifferent voice. "Now start walking."

The 2 hostages start walking. The 2 ex-Time Agents follow them, giving them directions until they order the guards to stop at the basement door.

Jack hands his gun to John before pulling out 2 sets of handcuffs. He proceeds to cuff the guards' hands behind their backs so tightly, they won't have a chance to get out of it. Jack then goes to open the basement door and holds it open.

"Now get down those steps and wait till someone comes to rescue you." John says in a gruff, commanding voice.

The two men startle before slowly descending down the stairs.

"**IF **someone does find you, tell them to be ready for a rather large ransom demand." Jack yells down after them before slamming the door shut and locking it.

The two thieves walk away, not saying a word until they're out of earshot.

"A ransom demand?" John asks.

"Makes them think they have a second chance at finding us since they're not going to find anything here. A little false hope." John _hmm_s in approval.

The two men get to work finding and pulling down the pieces of art. Some paintings are difficult to get down so they're simply cut out of their frames.

As John gets to work on Rembrandts' _The Storm on the Sea of Galilee, _a shrill alarm sounds off. Jack stops what he's doing and helps John search for the source. The alarm is found quickly and John smashes it with the butt of his gun.

Jack looks at John, question clear in his eyes.

"I think it was just an internal alarm but, never the less, lets hurry." He answers the unspoken question.

Jack goes back to his piece.

John just simply tears out the seascape because of how much it pissed him off.

When they're close to being done, one of them contacts the Calthoran men, telling them to be ready by the door.

John and Jack transport half of the items out the back door and into the waiting car. They go back for the rest and bring them to just outside the door.

"Money," is all John says.

A bag is tossed at his feet. He bends down to look inside. "Looks good." He picks up the bag and waves for Jack to follow him as he walks away.

The Calthorans load up the rest of the pieces and squeal their tires as they pull away.

Jack drapes himself over John's shoulders from behind as they're walking. "Babe, can we go to 1994, send a letter to the museum claiming "we" will return the art works. Give them a little more false hope?"

"You're just full of these little kicks to those that are down." John says with an impressed smirk.

"Well, I had to be "innocent" for such a long time." Jack says in a _poor me _voice. "So, can we?"

"Yes, darling." John answers as they start walking towards where they hid their normal clothes.


	3. Nothing

A female Maffo is tied to a table in a dark room with no decorations. All eight arms spread out and the 2 legs tied straight out. Naked as the day she was born. Blue streaks of blood in stark contrast with the bright skin, standing testament to the previous torture.

A door opens and two human males stumble through. They're wrapped in each other's embrace and lost in a kiss that sends blood rushing to lower parts of their body.

"Why me? I thought *sniffle*, you loved me Jack." She whispers the last part.

Jack reluctantly breaks away from John, with one last hasty kiss, and turns his charming smile onto her. A charming smile with just a hint of maniac. "Yrtnap," he says in a slight scolding tone, "How can I love you when this man right here holds my heart and I, his?" He walks to the table and puts his face close to hers. He stage whispers, "You're nothing to me. Nothing but a means to an end."

"I'm tired of all this talk, babe. When can we get to the fun stuff?" John interrupts with a whiny voice.

Jack pulls away and turns to look at John who is leaning against the wall, one foot propped up.

John kicks off from the wall and walks towards the other side of the table. He stuffs a rag into her mouth and tapes it down. "I don't want to hear your high pitched voice while we have our fun." He says as he leans on his side of the table.

Jack pushes the tray of tools to the section of table above Yrtnap's head. "Where should we start? Oooh, you know, we haven't gotten to pulling the finger nails yet. We even have 8 hands to work on. Then we can slowly hack off hands and feet. Oh, and your nice perky boobs. Then, if you still haven't told us the security number, I guess we'll just have to resort to sodomizing you. How about with a machete? I'm so excited to get started." Jack smiles like a child on Christmas day and rubs his hands together. He starts for the needle nose pliers.

Yrtnap's eyes go wide with fear.

John smirks with glee.

Jack then stops, face falling into seriousness and he holds up his index finger. "Wait, I think we should give her a chance to stop all this by giving us the number. It's what the Doctor would have wanted."

John looks at him in confusion but not saying anything. Wanting to see where this plays out to.

Jack takes the tape off her mouth and pulls the rag out.

"5413627 Delta Whiskey Foxtrot. That's the code." She says, desperation taking hold of her voice.

"John, write that down." Jack says as John complies, "Then put it somewhere safe, we don't want any fresh blood getting all over it."

"What? What does that mean?" Yrtnap asks worriedly.

"Oh, honey, you really thought we'd let you go?" Jack asks.

"But I gave you the number. That meant you were going to stop." She says, fear taking over her body once again.

"No no, it just meant you had a chance to stop it. Now, I suppose I'll be nice and there will be no rape with machete." Jack says in a patronizing tone.

John smiles a wicked smile. He grabs another set of pliers and gets to work on the toe nails as Jack works on the first hand. Screams heard by none but those in the room.


	4. PDA

"Oh… god" Jack moans.

A Zyboran police man hears him and goes slithering around the corner, thinking someone is hurt. What he sees is one of the worst things for a sexually repressed planet. Two **men **doing… that! On someone's deck table, none the less!

The police officer shudders, "Uh, sirs?" he says, trying to get their attention unsuccessfully. "You, uh, can't be doing that here. Section 1.3 states that two people cannot publicly do… uh, have… intimate encounters in public." He finishes redundantly while wringing his hands together nervously.

All Jack has to say is a bunch of mumbled nonsense words as John repeatedly thrusts into that euphoria inducing point. Then, "John, I'm so… close." As Jack hits climax.

John thrusts a few more times before reaching climax as well before slumping over to lie on top of Jack.

The Zyboran starts towards the two of them. "You two are under arrest for…"

John reaches for Jack's gun lying beside them and props himself onto one arm to shoot the officer in the head. He then leans down to capture Jack's lips in a long, fierce kiss. He pulls away, hovering mere inches from Jack's face. "Wanna go again?"

Jack smirks.


	5. Sorry, I Fogot to Tell You

A/N: I forgot to say that none of these chapters are in order... they're just random shots... This one, however, I place after the first chapter...

* * *

John ducks down to the floor and rolls under where a chair, which was aimed at his abdomen, flies over. He quickly pops back up and decks the next man he sees. He looks over at Jack who makes quick work of the man he's fighting with by the bar.

Jack knocks his man out then, feeling John's gaze, turns a quick smile on him. As he is distracted, one of the miscellaneous men close to Jack quickly pulls out a knife and stabs him in the back, right in spine.

Time slows down for John as Jack's lifeless body falls down, face first.

As soon as Jacks body hits the ground, time snaps back to normal and all John sees is red. He pulls out his guns from the small of his back and the hidden shoulder holster. He then proceeds to put a bullet into each of the men's heads; including those who hadn't joined the bar fight. He saves Jack's killer for last, just incapacitating him with a bullet to the left knee. John then levels a shot at his gut for a slow, painful death.

John then goes over to Jack's body and falls to his knees by Jack's head. Eyes blurred with tears, he pulls Jack's head into his lap and cradles him. All the while, chanting "no, not now, not you." John stays like that for a minute before Jack takes in a deep breath.

John in his shock pushes Jack away, letting his body thump to the floor before quickly backing away.

Jack turns his head to John and simply says "Ow!"

"Wha… but…" John gasps out.

"Yeah, sorry." Jack says as he sits up. He turns to face John, leaning up against the bar and stretches out his legs. "Forgot to tell you. I can't die."

"But… how?" John asks.

"Another thing we can thank the Doctor for… well, Rose actually. Made me a fixed point in time and space." Jack explains.

John mulls over the information before quickly making his way over to Jack. John captures his lips in a _glad you're alive _kiss. Then he pulls away and decks Jack. "Anything else like that that you're hiding?" John angrily demands. He then visibly deflates. "I thought you were gone. For forever. I just got you back."

Jack opens his arms and John settles into Jack's embrace, John's back against Jack's chest. "I'm sorry, babe. Now, I'm not excusing myself but I didn't tell you because I'm so used to it and didn't think about it. Forgive me?"

John nods his head.

They stay like that. Jack's _(used to be?) _killer gasping out his last breaths in the background and the dead bodies littering the ground.


	6. You Thought You Had Him

Ianto feels the full weight of a stare. It feels different than the onlookers trying to catch a sight of the dead body of the human-like alien that had just come through the Rift. He looks up in time to see a familiar RAF great coat disappear around a corner.

Ianto drops his tools and takes off, trying to break through the crowd, in the direction of the coat sighting. The team yell questions and protests he can barely hear. He yells out a "be right back" without even looking at them.

Ianto breaks through the outer layer of the crowd and starts running to where he last saw Jack's back. He rounds the corner and comes upon a dead-end alley, completely devoid of any humans, whether they're from 21st or 51st century.

Ianto uncharacteristically lets out his frustration by kicking a garbage bag repeatedly. Then the frustration filters out of him as suddenly as it appeared. Ianto's shoulders deflate and he leans his forehead against the wall for a couple of seconds. He straightens out his suit, pulling himself back together, and puts his usual indifferent mask back on. Ianto then makes his way back to the body and picks up the tools he dropped, continuing the job he was doing as if nothing happened. He studiously ignores the questioning looks from his teammates.

*TW * TW * TW * TW*

Later the same day:

Ianto takes his apartment keys out of his suit just as he turns the last corner to his apartment complex. He looks up from the ground and stops from of what he sees.

A man in a red jacket completely plastered to whoever is underneath him on the bench just outside of the scope of the streetlight. At least Ianto think there's another human under there. For all he can see, it could be that the man is making out with a poodle.

Then Red Jacket turns his mouth's attention to the neck of the man below him.

Before Ianto can figure out what is so familiar about that jacket that he can barely see in the shadows, the bottom man moves his head into the light and Ianto sees that he is

"Jack?" Ianto whispers.

Jack turns his face to Ianto, as if he had heard him, and puts on a smarmy smile. He taps the other man on the shoulder who then pulls away, faces just mere inches apart, and looks into Jack's eyes. Jack nods towards Ianto.

The second man turns his head toward Ianto. Ianto sees that it is John with a malicious smile put upon his face.

The shock and a little bit of fear drives Ianto back around the corner till he can't see the other men anymore. His back hits a wall hard and he slides down to the ground.

John is quick to follow where Ianto went. He kneels beside Ianto. "Eye Candy, you know when you thought he was in love with you? When everybody else thought that you're just a part time shag? Around that time when Jack killed your Cyber girlfriend, Lila or whatever?"

Ianto twitches with the desire to correct John and to tell him to shut up. He knows it won't do any good so he stays quiet. If his eyes are blurring a little, well it's only because he just an eye lash in his eyes, nothing more.

John leans in close. Ianto leans away quickly, never forgetting what John has done in the past.

John chuckles, "I only want to tell you a secret. No physical pain, I promise. Scout's honour. Besides, I'm not going away till I tell you." John points out.

Ianto reluctantly leans back.

John brings up his hand to whisper into Ianto's ear. Ianto flinches but stays put. "Jack never loved you. He really was just keeping you as a part time shag until something more exciting," John leans away and points to himself, "popped up."

"It's all true," Jack whispers in Ianto's other ear. "It's _scarily _true."

_And when had he gotten there? _

Ianto could've handled this. "_It's just John trying to fuck with me. He does that kind of thing." _Ianto told himself. That was, until Jack confirmed it with their special phrase so they'd know when what was being said was actually the truth in hostage situations. Except, Ianto didn't think Jack was being held as hostage.

Ianto surges to his feet and flat out runs to his flat. Hands start shaking as he tries to insert his key into his lock. Once he's able to unlock his door, he flings it open, dives in and shuts it with his back. Leaning against his door, he slides back down to the floor to try to catch his sobbing breaths that were slowly getting out of control.

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Please read and review. Constructive criticism most wanted.


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